Like any "good Christian", when I'm not my characteristically, forgetful self, I am usually reminded about seeking God in my daily life. Being an analytical person, I sometimes like to carefully think through what I'm doing and how I'm being. I guess we have a weakness to do this analysis most times. Yet, in our forward looking, we forget how God may be leading us in the present or how He may have led us in the past. The following paragraph captures this well:
It’s important that you are seeking God’s will and open to
his plans. But there is a danger that you will become so anxious about your
vocation, so caught up in a future that does not yet exist, that you will
forget about living the life God has already given you. So yes, do put some
time and effort into considering your vocation – be open, be generous, be
brave. It is a wonderful adventure! But at the same time be grateful for the
person you are now, and for the work God has given you to do today. (Fr.
Stephen Wang, How to Discover your Vocation Accessed from
allenhall.org.uk)
My anxiety about my sense of vocation comes from my deeply multi-disciplinary lens with which I see the world and others. I am currently plying my trade as an engineer, hence the scientific and the analytical method is a day-to-day thing for me. I sometimes extend this perspective to my relationships even, and more specifically, to my walk of Faith. As a theologian, I am constantly theologizing about everything and how this has implications for me, for my friends, the church and the world. My interests with music, arts and culture cause me to think of ways God could be already working in the world, because He does, or the ways He wants to start transforming the world, through His children who are in these spheres. As I put these reflections down, I find that my writing crystallizes my thoughts, and helps me to self-reflect. Integrating all this causes me to think of some far-off, future, perfect balance, where I am living out these different strands of my being in harmonious unity. How wise this is, only time can tell, but I am reminded today that the validity of such harmony is in the today and the now.
My geographical topology has now changed to greeny hills in the background of Lake Victoria, a slightly hotter climate with the consistently evening downpour, thanks to the once skeptically-held, elnino. My palate is now befriending tilapia and ugali. Ugali is such a norm that the waiters in restaurants here ask you what you eat and people usually mention the stew only, the side-plate is already assumed: ugali. So, "what will you eat," a friend is asked. "Wet fry," he answers. "Na wewe?" the waiter continues. Ugali is assumed. I'm learning how these daily moments to share lunches, to troubleshoot power systems, to find a new fellowship of believers provides the context where God wants to lead me. My task is to listen, and in the words of my friend, not to waste the season God has trusted me with.
This is risky business. He finds ways to challenge pre-conceived notions of ourselves and others. Our purpose is questioned and refined. Our habits are transformed as we face new life stations. This is the stuff of life, which happens in the marginal places. They are to get us to that point where we willfully listen and obey.
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